You Down Wit' OCD? Yeah You Know...er....Everybody?

(Alternatively Titled: The Blog Brought to you by Jay. No, Literally. Jay wrote it. Enjoy.)

First off, let me introduce myself as Jay, Kristy’s boyfriend, who she has previously written about in only a few blogs… but I’m sure she raves about me in private. OK, now that we have the proper introduction, here’s my beef .

Remember a few years back, when parents, looking for the easiest excuse as to why their child was a stark mad raving lunatic, who did everything but bark at the moon, decided their child or children (remember genetics) was ADD, ADHD or even HDTV? They took to the airwaves, it was on all the news shows, I’m sure Matt Lauer debated its merits with some real famous jackass – ADD was hip, the IN thing, and we all thought we had it. It became popular culture. It took on a life of its own.

*Why did you leave the stove on? ADD

*Oh my God, I forgot to pay the heating bill - ADD

*That report you needed yesterday boss? Have I told you I’m ADD – Hey, it could be worse, I used to be HD too! I’ll have it to you by…what were we talking about again?

*Why did you forget your child was in the backseat when you went to the bar? ADD

Those were the days, we didn’t need excuses. We only needed ADD. Then people got wise. Society figured out if everyone has ADD, wouldn’t that make ADD the default behavior and only the superior should be identified and worshiped? You know, the ASI – the Attention Superior Intellectuals. People like Tom Cruise…er…I’m sorry he’s ASS (please don’t sue me Tom, I’m soooooo scared of your 5’2” {in heels}, scrawny, buck-oh-five ASS).

Well folks, now we have another malady sweeping across the nation. No, not the bird flu. It’s not SARS. You guessed it, it’s OCD.

Yes, now our friends, co-workers and loved ones - as well as ourselves, can be absolved of all annoying habits and stubborness just by throwing out those three little letters you all know so well. O is for obsessive, C is for compulsive… the last letter, weeellll that’s not so simple. Is it D for disorder?

*Why won’t you move that chair I keep stubbing my toe on? OCD! It has to stay there!

*Why do we have to have a plan all the time? OCD

*Sorry boss about being late, I had to check the iron, then the stove, then the iron then the stove, then the door didn’t close right, so I had to check it again…my OCD just kicked in.

*You can’t sit in that seat. I watch every Red Sox game in that seat. It’s my OCD.

*Listen, I don’t mean to be an ass, but I have OCD – can you clean up your mess NOW, or I’ll just, just, just … {No, I get it, you’ll just keep nagging me.}

Personally, I think D may as well stand for DICK, as in it’s an excuse we use when we want to be a flaming Dick. Saying you (or I) have OCD is just a hellava lot nicer than saying “Hey, I’m an inflexible Dick.”

So people of the world, we must fight this OCD phenomenon at all costs, because we don’t want the default behavior to become OCD. Save it for all the poor souls who really do have it, like those who take an hour-and-a-half just to turn off a light switch. However, Tom Cruise can be OCD because he really is an inflexible Dick.

My whole point is people don’t need to put acronyms behind their behavior. I like to think a little bit more the old fashioned way and use words like accountable, responsible, or, more simply, human. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and we all have to live with them. So let’s go about making ourselves acronym free, unless you really have the paperwork, or scripts, to prove it.