Yo ho ho and a bucket of chum!

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, mateys! Red Charity Bonney here, invitin' you to celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day with me! And if ye don't, well...I'll throw ya in the brig and feed you chum and set my salty wenches on you with their high-pitched voices and their irritating gossip! And if ye likes that sort of thing, I'll make ya walk the plank! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

That's right folks, it's international Talk Like a Pirate Day. Of course, by the time I post this it'll be fairly late in the day, so many of you may have missed out on the fun. Fear not, fellow pirate lovers! You can talk like a pirate any day, in my humble opinion! Just follow the link above and go through the menus - there's tons of fun (and important) time wasters like a pirate glossary, pirate pick up lines, and quizzes in which you can get in touch with your inner pirate. For example, I did not pick the name "Red Charity Bonney" all by myself - no no! I took a soul-searching multiple choice quiz and the masters of piracy examined my choices and let me know how my pirate personality would best be expressed in name form. See below:

My pirate name is:

Red Charity Bonney

Passion is a big part of your life, which makes sense for a pirate.
You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from
full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

I also took a quiz which explored my "pirattitude" in even MORE depth and came up with a personality profile (bonus points for this quiz, which happens to mention the muppets on several occasions throughout the questions):


You are Ol' Chummy

You look old for your age. Hygiene is just that thing that happens
to other Pirates. You like what you like. Taking a cannonball to the
head in your younger days hasn't helped. Not one to take risks, you
enjoy quiet evenings on your bunk. You're a collector. You like things.
Not, "nice" things- just things. Some people think of you as a blight
on humanity - a carbuncle on the alabaster skin of man. You think of
yourself as a swell guy with lots of friend - just the one, but lots of
him. If you weren't a pirate, but rather lived in the 21st Century, you
would be the kind of guy who has played a computer game for four days
without thinking of showering and living solely on Mountain Dew and
Cool Ranch Doritos. What you lack in physical attractiveness you more
than make up for in interesting skin conditions. What's the upside of
all of this? With the Captain's lifestyle, you are likely to be running
the ship in a week or two. Ahead! Warp Factor ONE!

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The
Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!


What's scary is how dead-on this profile is. Even when you take out all the pirate references, it makes sense. I *do* like things. They don't have to be nice things. Those of you who know me know that I'm easily amused by small things and a gift from the dollar store is almost more likely to be cherished than a gift from Tiffany's. I just like crap. (Don't get me wrong, I have champagne tastes about certain things, but I just totally dig those cheap-o toys they sell at dollar stores like potato guns and pinwheels.) And we've all explored the nature of my nickname "Krashworth" - I'm VERY likely to have been hit in the head with a cannonball! In fact, I may have hit the cannonball with my head instead of the other way around! But the scariest part is the part about playing video games with only soda and junk food for sustinance. Because, well, we all know that story. Scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ry.

Anyway, this pirate is up in Maine with her pirate lineage (aka my parents) enjoying a little time off from plundering and pillaging. We managed to celebrate by wearing pirate tatoos all day and interjecting our conversations with pirate speak like "shiver me timbers" and "bunghole" and "grog" and all sorts of other fun. We also played mini-golf at Pirate's cove (of course). The day was a beauty, as the pirate-folk would say. And so I'll sign off reminding you all to:

Keep an eye out for any scallywags tryin' to plunder your booty; sharpen your swashbuckling skills smartly before any bilge rats take ye unawares; and have ye a feast of chum and grog to celebrate!