FREE* Exciting Offer!

*Offer not really free or exciting. Void where prohibited. Offer not valid on days that end in a y.

Almost two years ago, when I moved to Boston, I went to a bank (that shall remain unnamed) advertising “FREE* Checking!” They had both free student checking, and free* regular checking. After being introduced to the ageism of “student checking only covers people 25 and under” (because apparently after you’re 25 you’re too old to be a student anymore), I opted for the free* regular checking.

So I sit down with the woman to open the account, money in my hand. After all the usual rigamarole (social security number, date of birth, etc) she says, “OK, that’ll be $18.75 for your checks.” In my head I think, OK, checks cost money. That’s understandable. We continue. A few minutes later she says, “There will be a $12 annual fee for your ATM/check card.” Now I’m a little confused. This is not sounding like free checking. So I say to her, “Ummm…I thought I was getting the free checking.” “Of course you are!” she said. I then pointed out to her that $18.75 + $12 = NOT free. She then let me know that I didn’t have to get the ATM/check card or the checks.

Me: HOW DO I GET MONEY OUT OF MY ACCOUNT WHEN THE BANK IS CLOSED THEN?????

Her: {blank stare for 2 minutes}

Her: Uhhhh….well, there’s that little star next to the "Free*" to let you know there are some conditions to the checking account.

Me: So basically it’s not free checking, but because you put the star there you can lie.

Her: {blank stare, no answer}

Yeah, that’s what I thought. But at this point, I’m so far into it, and the bank is so convenient to where I live, that I’m just going to pay the fees and keep going. As I’m walking out, already signed up for accounts with this bank, I notice something on the materials they gave printed in teeny tiny print:

It costs me $0.50 every time I use the check card as a debit card. If I don’t run it as a credit card, it’ll cost me.

NOTHING about this account is free.

Yesterday, I set up an account with Bank of America. I have Free Checking (note no star). It actually costs $5.95 a year if you don’t have direct deposit, but they tell you that up front. Before you start into getting the account. And I wanted direct deposit anyway, so that’s all good. But guess what? My check card is FREE. I can use it as a debit card FOR FREE. My first set of checks (real checks, not starter checks) is FREE. No stars. I have free checking. Sweet.

Plus, they’re giving me a $50 Visa gift card for opening an account with them. AND I got a free pocket-sized Red Sox schedule on the way out the door (my wallet is naked without one during the season, and I haven’t been able to find any).

So, basically, this post is a completely unsolicited testimonial for Bank of America. Go bank there. They’re all over the place, so when you travel they’ll probably be wherever you go, too (no fees for using other ATMs), and they don’t lie. I’ve banked with them for a whole 24 hours now and I have absolutely ZERO complaints. Usually I don’t support large corporations if I can avoid it; but this is just great service, and I love to support great service.

And now I’m off* to deposit more money into my free checking account.

*Deposit will occur after I take a shower and run a few other errands.