Summer of Krash

That's right. You read that right. This summer is MY summer. I have decided it, and thus it will be so.

How is it the summer of Krash, you ask? Lemme 'splain....

I'm into the full swing of "real life," if you can call it that. I woke up the other day and just realized it. See...when I was growing up, the plan I had for myself went as follows: high school, college, meet someone nice to marry in college, get a job by the end of college, graduate from college and move into house with new husband, have job and start popping out kids whenever we feel it's appropriate.

HA!

Not so much did it work out that way. Not that I'm dissappointed...quite the contrary: I've led a really charmed life. I did the first two on the list: high school, college. I met a few nice boys in college but none of the marrying sort at the time. Post-college I sort of had the not-sure-what-to-do-with-my-life era when I went and worked at DisneyWorld. And, for all that I used to complain about it, it was really fun. I had a great time, and it's always a fantastic conversation topic for parties and interviews. But at that point, there was no plan except to figure out the plan. And then I discovered child life and thought, "Hey, this is what I want to do! This should be the plan!" And so I worked in child life long enough to get a feel for it and made the plan, which turned out to be grad school. So I go to grad school in Boston, and the plan is now grad school and then find a job at the end of grad school. I also had a marrying man worked into the plan when I started grad school, but he is no longer in the plan. And I followed the plan well enough: here I am, just out of school, and I have a child life job.

So now what?

There's no more of the thought process of, "OK, get through this stage, and then there's something else to do, to progress the plan." I'm 28 (almost), and I'm finally partially at the original plan's destination (sans man, house, popping out kids).

Now, before I go ANY FURTHER, let me get a few things straight:

1. I'm glad to be (almost) 28. I'm excited about the prospect of leaving behind the years of insecurity and doubt and confusion that were my early to mid 20's. So I'm not complaining abou that.

2. I can't say it enough: I'm glad my life took the course it did. I've learned so much I wouldn't have learned, and met so many amazing people I wouldn't have met....I look back on the original plan and say, "Puh-SHAW!" That would not have been as satisfying as the life I've had; which is, I'm certain, why my life has gone down the path it has.

So here I am. 28, got a job, and no real "next step" plans like figuring stuff out or going to grad school or finding a job. This is it: the real world. Real life. WOW.

And I woke up the other day, and that all sort of hit me. Now that I'm in the real life, and I'm not worried about planning the next step, per se....I thought, what do I want from life? Because there's no reason I shouldn't have what I want out of life. [Sidebar: My parents did for me one of the most amazing things I've ever seen anyone do: they instilled in me the belief that I can have anything I want, I just have to be willing to work for it. And it becomes a balance: if you don't want to work for it enough (because some things require a lot of crappy work to get), then you don't really want it all that much either. It's such a great attitude, and it's gotten me tons of things I wouldn't have thought I could have had or done otherwise. Thanks, mom and dad. I owe you everything for that. ;) ] And I decided that what I want for my life, at this point, is the rest of the plan: I want the house and the man and the kids. I also want to feel better, look better, and just be the best me I can be.

So, some of these things are a bit easier to achieve than others. For example, I have more control over being the best me I can be than I do over making someone fall in love with me. But being the best me I can be will probably increase my chances on the love thing. So I'm starting with getting in shape. Consistently this time. Nothing overwhelming, just at the gym, three days a week, for 30 minutes. I can do that. I can eat healthier and do more fun things. So there's that. I'm doing that.

As far as the love thing goes...well...I have some thoughts. First of all, I'm big on the kids. I want kids. I want 3 or 4, even though Liz tells me I'm only allowed to have 2 (because it's bad for the earth - overpopulation and stuff; although she did acquiesce and say I could have Emily's 2 kids since she doesn't want any, and Emily said I could have her 2 kids, so in the end I guess nobody should object to my wanting 4, huh?). This is sort of where the "I can have what I want I just have to be willing to work for it" comes into play more. I'm 28, and I'd like to date someone for a while before getting married. And ideally I'd like to be married a bit before I start having kids. So start doing the math....and I'd like to be done having kids by my late-mid 30's (I don't know, 36? 37? whatever...)and in order to get what I want, I need to be ready and open for love.

Now, until about a year ago, I sort of turned my nose up at internet dating services. OK, I'll admit it, I *totally* turned my nose up at it. But over the past year, I've met so many people who are really in love, and they met through match.com, or eharmony, or yahoo personals....and I have to say I'm a little wary of the whole internet matching thing...because, REALLY anyone can make a profile that sounds however they want. It doesn't have to really be them. But, I mean, anyone can do that in a bar, too. They could lie and say they're a cop when they're really a bartender. (Note: neither is better or worse, just examples to illustrate a point.) In the end, if I want to wait around and just "meet" someone, it's going to be hard. I don't go out very much, and when I do it's with my friends, and when I go out with my friends I want to see my friends, since I don't see them enough as it is. So meeting people is not something that's likely to happen. Internet dating just adds more opportunity. I'm still open to meeting people in other ways, I'm just working harder to get to my goal.

But I'm still iffy on the whole thing. I haven't paid any fees, just put my profile out there. And I'm being really picky, probably over-picky, but this is where I'm at with working hard enough to get this. I'm getting in the pool, very very slowly, dipping my toe in and taking it out, then maybe getting my feet wet, and seeing how the water feels. I'll let you know how it goes. (And I invite any testimonials or horror stories on the topic you feel like sharing from your own experience or your friends' experiences.)

In the meantime, all of this is to say, it's the summer of Krash! I'm reaching out, grabbing life by the horns, and taking it as far as I possibly can. Lots of fun, lots of going out (with both friends and dates), and being the best me I can be. Now that I'm in the "real world," I'm going for the brass ring, baby. I want it all - so look out.

=)