warning: having some trouble with spacing and paragraph breaks...not my fault, blogger is being testy. tried to fix some of it with html code, but it may not fix all of it. apologies in advance!
OK, business first.
As to my mom's comment on the lack of blogging: yes, I'm more likely to blogwhen there's work to do. I've just been taking a break, busy with school,insert general excuse here. I'll try to keep up with this, but those ofyou who have been emailing me for a while know that I start strongand end up being a slacker. However, when I do put up/out my thoughts, it'susually good, so keep checking, and feel free to harass me to blog, it mightwork.
In the meantime, today at my internship I attended the Child Protection Teammeeting. The CPT is made up of doctors from the hospital, social workersfrom DCYF (can't remember what it stands for, like the Department of SocialServices or the Department of Children and Families), someone from the AttorneyGeneral's office, and other social agencies in the area that provide supportfor abuse victims. We discuss abuse cases (sexual and physical) that havecome through the hospital.
Wow. The world is a Sick, messed up place. There are some really Sick and Wrongpeople out there. In one sense it just made me sad to hear the stories weheard, but in another sense it made me want to go out and do my job evenmore: to be that one bright, normal spot in these kids' lives. They cometo the hospital after experiencing something so traumatic and scary, andI can be the person who helps them find a spot of normalcy when everyoneelse is treating them as different - that way they get both what they need,and maybe a little respite from the harsh reality they are now facing. Erin,my former supervisor, used to say, "There are days when you go home and youthink, 'I could work at the Gap and not have to deal with this stuff.' Andit's true. You could. But this stuff is going to happen whether or notyou work at the Gap, and if you decide to do your job, to remain in the hospitaland help make these children's lives better for even a split second, thenyou've made a difference. And that's worth everything else you have to put up with." I'm inclined to agree.
Related: One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson:
To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affectionof children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayalof false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leavethe world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch...to knoweven one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!
But this got me thinking on the drive home, and not to get all Whitney Houston on you or anything, but I believe the children areour future. And how we raise them determines what kind of world they createfor us when we're not in charge anymore. And there are so, so, so many childrenout there who are just not being raised. Forget raised right, just not evenbeing parented. Loved. Educated. It's really sad, and I feel like thereis so much more we could do, but I just don't know what. But I know we'renot doing all that we can, and one of the problems of adults is that we tendto focus on the problems of the here and now, the problems that affect usas adults, and we forget that if we worked more on the problems of children,then maybe they wouldn't have to work so hard on their problems as adults,and perhaps they could work on making the world a better place rather thanjust playing catch-up. Don't get me wrong, I know that the adult problemsneed attention, but I just really believe that there isn't enough focus onthe problems of children.
In that vein, I used to say that I would run for president, and one of my platformswould be instituting an application process to be parents. Now, I'm sureI'll get reamed from somebody on this one, so let me give the disclaimer NOW before you read the rest: I *know* this is not a perfect solution, butit's an idea...and maybe if I put it out there maybe it will spark an ideain someone else and they'll use part of my idea and add to it their idea,and someday we can come up with a good idea, using pieces of everyone's ideas. OK?
I fully believe that everyone has a right to be parents. I'm not suggesting we take that away from ANYONE. But people should have to apply to be parents first. There should be testing on knowledge of how to parent (meaning thingslike changing diapers, developmental knowledge, etc....NO POLITICAL TESTING,EVERYONE HAS A RIGHT TO THEIR OWN OPINION). And if you fail, or your housingis sub-standard, or something, then you should have to fix the problem beforeyou parent. Like take parenting classes (they could even be free) or gettingbetter housing. You could sign a contract saying you'd follow the law, provide adequate housing, proper nutrition, etc. And then if you were in breachof contract, we could prosecute for bad parenting. Punishments could bethings like more parenting classes, or something. Not necessarily separation from your children, only in cases of true abuse or continued neglect, etc.
I know, I know. I KNOW! Funding would be a huge issue. Who gets to judge who is a good parent? How do we check up on this? I KNOW! It's a total pipe dream. But I really want people to be better parents. And I thinkthat some people don't even realize that they are being bad parents in the first place, and if there was some way to show them how to do it right, they'd do it in a heartbeat. Some people want so badly to be parents, and they just have no idea how to do that. I want to help these people.
Of course, I'm a bleeding-heart, wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve liberal, as my friendWade would say, so take that into account. In the end, I really want tohelp everyone. But kids hold a special priority in my heart. Anyway, ream me if you want. I don't care. The point is, I know that the idea is imperfect,but the sentiment behind it is a good one. I'd love to hear your thoughts,especially those who think they could build on this, or those who totally disagree with it on every level, including the sentiment behind it. I invite all opinions, as they force me to think about it more...and that helps me to really solidify what I believe. I'll either wholeheartedly agree with you, and alter my thought process accordingly, or I'll find something thought-provoking,as it has a good point or is something I never thought of, or is a good reason to disagree with me, and perhaps I'll adjust my opinion accordingly. =)
Alright,enough of the novel. It's been a long week of driving to Providence, paperwriting, and working. Tonight is a friend's birthday party with bowling (I granny-bowl, and I'm super good, so I'm looking to kick some major ass tonight), and my Bit of Stuff has been away all week, and returns tonight. Things are looking up! There is much fun to be had: good times, with good friends, and maybe a little smooching action. Hee hee! Don't worry, there's much work to be done on Sunday, so there's a high probability I'll blog again soon. =) In the meantime, keep it real, folks.
music: "Pictures of You" by the Cure
3 Comments:
Kissing? When did you start kissing??? I mean, romantically?? I have known that you are sweet for a long, long time, but kissing boys???? :-)
You are right about parenting - we need to do it better. I do not think that we can disqualify people because they have sub-standard housing, though. Perhaps we need to do something to insure that everyone has good housing, or at least those with children ...
Jim MacDonald, retired United Methodist minister, retired General Minister of the Virginia Council of Churches, former director of the Wesley Foundation at the University of Virginia, told me not long ago that he believes that lack of money is the root of all evil: solve poverty and the world will be as God wants it to be.
Whether it be poverty of spirit, poverty of those things needed for basic survival, or poverty of knowledge (how to parent), we need to find a way to stop it so that we can focus on those who are our future.
Thanks for an interesting blog. Hope the partying was/is fun.
I like your post and think you're on the right track. But here's the thing: before having to care for a child myself, I used to condemn parents for their lack of parenting skills. I figured, as a teacher, I parent all day long, ditto when I babysit, etc. And it wasn't that hard. Why couldn't these parents do it themselves? But that was my job and I got to go home and deal with the rest of my life whe it was over, so it was very easy to devote the necessary attention to the kids at work. It's not so easy when they're there ALL the time. When do you have time to take care of all the errands that need running not just for yourself but for them (i.e. taking them to practices, buying them supplies for their science project, etc), and make enough money to feed more than just yourself (and buy them new clothes and school supplies, yada yada yada), and help them with their homework, and find time to do something fun with them, and teach them all the life lessons they need teaching, and still find even a second to recuperate yourself? Lemme tell ya, it ain't easy. Instead of testing for parenting skills, which are great on paper but don't always translate well into real life, why not make parenting classes (and time management classes!!) mandatory once a women is pregnant. There's no way to make someone take a test to see if they're allowed to conceive, but you can make it standard that when a woman/couple go to a ob-gyn to have a pregnancy confirmed, they're automatically enrolled in a brief parenting course(and again, time management course). Forcing someone to prove beforehand that they're competent parents isn't necessarily fair. Perhaps they had terrible parents themselves and don't know what a real parent is. But I agree there are things we can do to help. I know your post was stemming from your horror at some of the terrible things that happen to these kids, but that's abuse - different from being an incompetent parent (and a class isn't likely to change that). And lack of parenting is a serious problem, but don't point fingers too easily when you haven't had to juggle all of it yourself. It's not as easy as it seems.
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