Score? XX 1, XY 0!

Holy smokes it's blizzarding outside! Or, I guess, it's nor'eastering outside. Either way, the snow is blowing sideways outside my window and it's a little crazy. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but alas I am not. I think I will always be amazed at how much it snows up here. It's just unnatural.

But speaking of snow, let me get going on today's topic:

I have long lamented the fact that it would be difficult for me to write my name in the snow with pee. (Yes, I have friends who point out it is in fact possible, it would just involve an amazing amount of self-control and be really, really difficult. But possible, yes.) I've also long lamented the (related) fact that it's not an easy task for me to pee standing up. So I do have moments where I prove Freud right, and I have a little bit of penis envy, I suppose. (Sorry mom, I bet you're wincing right now.)

But I was reminded this past weekend why it's SO MUCH FUN to be a girl, and it is moments like these that make peeing my name in the snow seems insignificant. Here's the story:

My friend Sarah (who kindly gave me permission to use her name in this story) and my friend Brianna came over Friday night to eat yummy food and watch "Garden State." (Sidebar: if you haven't seen this movie, DO SO IMMEDIATELY. You can borrow it from me if you're in the Boston area and leave a nonessential organ at my house in exchange to make sure you return it. Also check out Zach Braff's - writer, director, star of the movie - blog on the website. Freakin' hysterical. End shameless unsolicited promo.) Afterwards we got to girl talk, as we are wont to do, and we began to discuss Sarah's potential romantic rendezvous approaching this upcoming weekend. She's headed to Minnesota (which is where she's from so it's not as sad as you might originally think...although I can't imagine leaving Boston mid-winter only to go someplace colder and snowier) to see a *boy* she's been in touch with via phone and email for several months now. They've developed a pretty tight relationship...added to the fact that their families know each other quite well so there's that added layer of trust there. She'll be staying at his house for a weekend, and although we're not sure where she'll be sleeping as yet, we do know this one fact (and all you ladies out there will back me up I'm sure):

Her pajamas are the most important articles of clothing she'll pack.

Even if she's sleeping on the couch, she's got a big crush on this guy, and she'll want to look cute at sleepy-time. So we spent over an hour online searching for cute pajamas and weighing all the options - cropped with a tank top might be really cute, but far too chilly for Minnesota. But if you add cute ankle socks and a zippered hoodie it could be functional and cute. There were pajamas that were pre-wrinkled as a style, and we discussed how that could be good for when she wakes up in the morning...she won't look dishevelled because they're supposed to be wrinkled. We even thought of the fact that if she bought the pj's from Victoria's Secret she could also buy matching underwear, which would be the ultimate in bedtime cuteness.

Now, the reality of things is this: he probably won't notice if her underwear matches her pj's (if he gets to see them at all). But she'll feel better knowing that they all match, and that she looks cute. It's one of the really cool things about being a girl...we're easily pleased by such things, and we relish in sharing this with each other because it's so silly. I once spent 45 minutes deciding which pajama outfit looked cutest to go to a boy's house to study. Just study, mind you, but I also liked this boy and wanted to look casually cute. No lie - 45 minutes in front of the mirror trying on very very casual clothes, saying things like, "Nope. Not cute enough."

I understand that all you men out there are just shaking your head as you hold it in your hands. But all you women are totally enjoying this. And THAT'S why I'm proud to have two X chromosomes, even if I can't easily pee my name in the snow. There's a feeling of solidarity in our silliness that is just comforting and carries with it a sense of joy in being a girl. It's also why so many women love "Sex and the City" - it makes you feel OK about being a girl and being silly about things like matching pajamas and underwear. Yes, we're neurotic. Yes, we're picky about silly things. And it's freakin' FANTASTIC.

And SO much fun.

music: a somewhat scary mix of "girl power" music from my Itunes stash...including: Just Like a Pill (Pink), Me and Bobby McGee (Janis Joplin), Proud Mary (Tina Turner), Last Thing (Diana Anaid), Since U Been Gone (Kelly Clarkson), Milkshake (Kelis), Lady (Lenny Kravitz - the lone man to make it on the list), and Girl from the Gutter (orig. by Kina, as performed by the USC Sirens). There was more on the list, but I typed too fast to get to it all.

Don't it make your brown eyes blue?

I was a member of a selection committee for a faculty award at Wheelock last year. Each faculty member nominated had to submit two student letters of recommendation and one peer recommendation, as well as write an essay on teaching. One of the essays we read (the winner, I believe) talked about how teaching has allowed her to see the world with "new eyes." Not only has she had to adjust her perspective on teaching in order to reach students with widely varying learning styles, but she's also seen the world through her students' eyes and gotten new perspectives from them as well. She took yet another look at things familiar to her, but tried to see them in a different way. I have to admit that when I read the essay, I thought it a bit trite - "Yeah, new eyes," I thought, "doesn't everyone get a new way of looking at things each day?" The truth is this: yes, probably everyone has the opportunity to see the world from a different angle every day, but many of us ignore it, or just turn down the opportunity in favor of the easy road: maintaining the status quo and not challenging yourself. I do it all the time. This teacher was thankful for her 'new eyes' every day, and took situations that could otherwise be considered losses and looked at them in a new perspective in order to find a way to gain from them. It's a simple lesson we've all heard a million times: when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But this professor actually lived that philosophy on a daily basis.

Since that experience on the awards committee, the 'new eyes' metaphor has stuck with me. I had the priceless opportunity to visit Japan for a week last summer, and I was given a whole new way of looking at the familiar by going there. Granted, the easy way to think about a trip like that is to point out the differences...but I was struck by the similarities I found as well. It made me smile to see Nissans, Hondas, and Toyotas all over the road (even though most of them are shaped differently). Sitting on a train where I was the only gaigene (foreigner), I was able to really pay attention to people's facial expressions and hand gestures as they spoke, since I wasn't distracted by their words. There are some things that are universal: rolling your eyes, throwing up your hands as you laugh...and while we're all different colors and religions and nationalities, if you take time to really observe, we really are all just one big human race.

Last week after talking to my doctor, I thought about the new eyes I got around this time a year ago. Those eyes were painful to earn - I endured a pretty life-shattering breakup, only to learn in the end that love is all around you, it's just that sometimes you have to look with a different filter to see it. I spent weeks feeling miserable and alone because I thought I had lost love in my life, only to finally figure out that what had kept me safe that whole time was the blanket of love my friends and family had wrapped around me. And as I spent time babysitting for the twins I babysat for during that time (who were just over a year old then), I marveled at the unconditional love they offered me every day as I walked in the door. Their giggles and their hugs made the rest of my world seem so far away, like magic. It's a powerful thing, love. But sometimes you have to find a new way of seeing things to realize it's never farther than the hand you reach out to grab for it.

Finally, I found myself thinking about new eyes again yesterday as I sat in the opthamalogist's office. Did you know that green eyes are the most sensitive to light, followed by blue, and then brown? The darker your eyes are pigmented, the less sensitive they are to light. This means that I could walk outside on a day like yesterday in Boston: snowy and gray, and find it dark and drab; while the man next to me with green eyes might find it a bit brighter. Same scene, different eyes. That kind of stuff fascinates me.

It's not easy to try to find a pair of new eyes every day, and I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I do it all the time. But I decided this morning that I'm going to try really hard to at least take advantage of the opportunities offered me to see things in a different light. I've found in the past few weeks at my internship that patients and parents alike have given me new perspectives on my job, and how to present ideas to different people...and I'm greatful that I have to keep a journal each day because it offers me the time to reflect and realize the things I've learned that day...something I might not consciously do otherwise.

This morning I was offered some new eyes, and I took the lesson given to me. I woke up early to exercise like the dutiful patient I am, only to get across my apartment complex and find that the fitness center was closed today. Rather than be irritated at having gotten up early for nothing, I returned to my apartment determined to catch up on email (I'm seriously behind). Unfortunately, my internet was not working for some strange reason. I then decided to work on my resume, as I'm sending out copies (hopefully) by the end of the week. However, I couldn't get my mind to work that early in the morning, and was unable to cleverly describe my current internship in a way that would make anyone looking at my resume want to hire me. So I gave up and decided I could catch up on what's been going on in the world by watching the news (I took a little hiatus from the world this weekend, it was fantastic, I highly recommend such an activity to everyone). Guess what? Cable was out. This day was really starting to be one of those days that you feel you should just call into work, because everything was going wrong, and it didn't seem to be getting any better. At that point of desperation, I decided the best way to get new eyes was to simply close them for a while and go back to sleep, even if only for a few minutes, and when I awoke again it would be an entirely new start to the day. And you know what? From the moment I got up the second time, things went completely smoothly today.

And so, after all this philosophy, what's the moral of the story? It's always a good idea to go back to bed and sleep some more. =)

Mmmm mm! Mm-mm? Mm mm-mm mmm!

Translation? Help me! Hello? I'm under here!

I've been buried under a mountain of work all day, and I won't even begin to dig myself out until the end of tomorrow, it seems. It's not all bad, I mean I'm getting stuff done: taxes, planning for projects and trips, paying bills, etc; but sometimes it's a little overwhelming when you start the day with a page full of things to be done, and at the end of a day of accomplishing things on that list you re-write the list only to find you still have a page full of things to do. How does this happen, you ask? Well, sometimes it's a matter of doing one thing that reminds you of two other things that you need to do, sometimes it's a matter of unfortunate timing when several people ask you for something at once, and sometimes it is just bigger handwriting on the second list. =)

But I'm doing alright, folks, just busy busy busy. My internship at MGH is going really well...hard to believe in two weeks I'll be half done and switching floors. I'm learning such an incredible amount, while also gaining tons of confidence in my skills as a future Child Life Specialist. When it comes down to it, I'm glad to have the student experience, but I have to remember that there's no way to learn everything I'd need to know in any situation...and that there will be a lot of on-the-job learning when I get started out in the "real world." But that's what makes it fun...learning something new all the time. I have to say, if I didn't learn new things all the time, I'd be pretty bored, and then you can only imagine how long I'd make the lists of things to do...not good! Thank goodness for life's little intricacies that teach me new things to focus on so I don't stress myself too much by focusing on insignificant minutia that ought to be done.

Let me take care of some business here: go read my friend Chebra's blog. Chebra's brilliant, and not only are her blogs high-quality, but they all begin with fantastic quotes. She's new to the blog world, but she clearly fits right in. Welcome, Chebra!

So Emily wrote me a few weeks ago and asked a very good question: why is it that nobody has a favorite/lucky letter? Everyone has a favorite color, or number (blue, 7 in my case), but nobody ever talks about their favorite letter. Emily has chosen the letter P as her favorite. I must admit, it's a good choice...P is the beginning of her last name, p is for Psoriasis and Pneumonia and Pterodactyl. Lost of fun words can be spelled with P, and it is surprisingly silent sometimes. Good choice Emily!

My choice, after only a bit of thought, is the letter M, and here's why: M to me represents comfort. It's a soft-sounding letter, and you can use it to express yourself without even forming words. You can use it to say yes or no (Mmmm-mm), to express the deliciousness of a meal (Mmmmm!), or to sigh when something is so romantic or sweet or touching that there are no words (Mmmmm.....). It's a comforting stop in the middle of many words, and it's the beginning of some of my favorite foods: Mac and Cheese, Mashed Potatoes, and Marshmallows. So, ladies and gents, I give you the letter M, my current favorite.

I suggest you pick a letter soon before everyone does, and certain letters are super-popular, and then you can't pick them because you'd look like some sort of lemming, even if they have a sentimental value for you. Simply the fact that Emily and I are suggesting it means that it will soon take off and be bigger than slap-bracelets were when I was in middle school.

In the meantime, I'll be digging my way out of the pile o' stuff to do...and thinking of clever things with which to entertain y'all when I next post.

music: Itunes medley. "Maybe I'm Amazed" (Jem), "Curve of the Earth" and "I Saw" (Matt Nathanson), "32 Flavors" (Alana Davis), "Long Wide Open" (Ryanhood), and "Girl from the Gutter" (orig. by Kina, performed by USC Sirens).

QUOTE OF THE YEAR

Shamefully, the quote comes from the OC, to which I've sadly become addicted. But peep this:

"I'm fine...I'm just having an allergic reaction to...the universe."

Ah, BRILLIANT! Seriously, haven't we all felt that way sometime? Brilliant.

Alright, I've been wicked busy, and it hasn't let up quite yet, but I'll post quickly on the things I've been keeping in the back of my head for you the past week or so.

First: The Pope had the flu. REALLY?!?!? Of all the people I would consider eligible for the first round of flu shots, the Pope tops the list. How in the world did he not get a flu shot? Did he deny it? Did he say something like, "Don't worry, God's got my back. I'm the Pope!" And why aren't people questioning this more? Why is it just me? If I were Catholic (which I'm not), and especially if I were tithing (which I couldn't, as I have no income to speak of), I'd write on the little envelope they give you for your offering money that I wanted it to go to the Pope Flu Shot Fund.

Second: Groundhog Day. Can we talk about this for a bit? This whole thing reeks of an Eisner-created Disney scam. And I quote:

• There has only been one Punxsutawney Phil. He has been making predictions for over 119 years!

• Punxsutawney Phil gets his longevity from drinking "groundhog punch," a secret recipe. Phil takes one sip every summer at the Groundhog Picnic and it magically gives him seven more years of life.

• According to legend, if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter weather. If he does not see his shadow, there will be an early spring.

• No! Phil's forecasts are not made in advance by the Inner Circle. After Phil emerges from his burrow on February 2, he speaks to the Groundhog Club president in "Groundhogese"(a language only understood by the current president of the Inner Circle). His proclamation is then translated for the world.

• So the story goes, Punxsutawney Phil was named after King Phillip. Prior to being called Phil, he was called Br'er Groundhog.

AHA! The last one proves it. Br'er Groundhog. I bet if you ride Splash Mountain enough times you'll find hidden Punxsutawney Phils all over the place! And there's more to the silliness: I'd like to say that if you announced in Boston on February 2nd that there were six more weeks of winter, the city would be in riots of joy that far surpassed the crowds that flooded the streets after the Red Sox World Series win last year. ONLY six more weeks of winter? Really? You promise? Thank goodness! The whole thing is a hoax, and it's not even a remotely believeable hoax (c'mon....the original Phil is pushing up daisies somewhere and this year's guy is someone they rounded up at the last second whose real name is probably Barney or Eunice and just gave the "stage name" of Phil to), and yet it makes the news every year. It's not even a charming tradition! It just makes us look even more ignorant in the eyes of the rest of the world - can you imagine what they think when they see that we are predicting the weather with a groundhog???

I suppose I shouldn't complain...at least it's positive news that they're putting on the news instead of all the death and dying and war and violence we usually show. It's a nice, peaceful story. And the whole six more weeks of winter thing...well...that's just the girl in me who's dying to see the sun again. It's that spirit-breaking time of winter when you're just ready for a sunny warm day, just one, to restore your spirits. Unfortunately, you only realize this when you find yourself exclaiming things like "The temps were in the upper 30's all week! It was soooo warm!" These sorts of statements promptly force you to realize the desperate nature of your need for a sunny day to help you make it through the six plus weeks of winter left before Spring even begins to think about poking its head around the corner. Ahhh...Boston. Not for everyone.

But I will survive, folks. Pitchers and catchers report in less than a week. There is something to live for after all.

I think I need a helmet. Or a beer. Or a beer helmet.

Seriously, folks.

I have this class on Thursdays where we discuss healthcare issues on the larger scale, and for the past few weeks we've been discussing the insurance system and who gets healthcare and how, and tonight we also discussed the ramifications of privatizing health care. It's really interesting stuff, but it's also really frustrating because you leave the class thinking: man, the world really really sucks and there's no good way to fix it. There's so much injustice, it just blows my mind.

Now, for someone who is usually pretty happy-go-lucky and tries to avoid the news because she enjoys the bliss of ignorance, I've been fairly preoccupied the past few weeks with things like poverty, health care, social security, gun control, and how to raise our children better. Basically, in the past few weeks, I've been thinking about how to change the world. It's a little bizarre for me to be so fixated on it, but I have definitely found myself thinking about these topics a great deal. But for me, a what-you-see-is-what-you-get, heart-on-my-sleeve, bring-it-on kind of girl...well, I want to make everything OK. And I can't, and it has been weighing heavily on me lately.

I was discussing it with Brianna tonight, and there are two ways to approach social change...wait, OK. Let me back up. We were concerned about the idea of privatizing health care (and social security, for that matter, but health care was foremost on our minds since that is our line of work and the main topic for our class we just had) and how we could fight against it. I told her that I had lost hope, mainly because I felt that so many people tried so hard last November to cause a change in our government to prevent these kinds of plans being brought up in the first place, and we still failed. Now here's where the two mindsets come in: the first is to say, well, we tried our best and it didn't work, there's clearly nothing we can do. The second is to say, look how hard we tried, and we did make a change - more people came out and voted than ever before, and more people were aware of the importance of how much a vote counts, and even though we didn't get what we wanted, we did cause change, and we have to take that attitude and keep trying...harder if we have to...and we'll continue to make steps until we do make the change we want. Losing some battles, but eventually winning the war. Right now, and for the past few weeks, it just seems so hard that I've been of the first mindset. But I'm going to try really hard to be of the second mindset, because I'm a big believer in the idea that if you're going to complain about something, you also have to be doing something about it or you can't complain in the first place. Besides, health care is something near and dear to my heart, not only because of my job but also because of the whole arthritis thing, and so this issue matters A WHOLE HECK OF A LOT to me. So here I am, as I'm typing this blog, changing my attitude. Yeah, it's frustrating that there are no easy answers, and I'm not saying that if we don't privatize health care everything is going to be perfect, or that I have the way to make it perfect. I don't. But in my humble opinion, it's a bad idea, and nothing good can really come of it, and I'll fight to prevent the bad from happening. At this point, status quo is not great, but it's better than getting worse, you know?

I have a wise friend who once said something to the effect of, "Life is tough. Deal with it, or get a helmet." The quote was in the context of a conversation we were having about his classmates at his fancy-schmancy, high-power, high-pressure school, and how they took some things way too seriously. He said he wanted to buy them helmets, because if they got that uptight about the little stuff, life was just going to hit them upside the head and knock them out. In class tonight, I asked the professor if we could bring in beer next week if our classes were going to continue like this, because it was really hard for me to leave every Thursday feeling so discouraged, and the beer might take the edge off the class. Tonight as I was leaving, I thought of my friend, because I really felt like a helmet might make me feel better, because life is so complicated and it distressed me so much.

Now that I think of it, I think I'll just combine the two. Next week I'll show up to class with one of those helmets that holds beer cans with tubing that runs to your mouth so you can drink and not have to hold your beer in your hands. That way I know I'll be safe. =) And in the meantime I'll be gearing myself up to do what I can to change the world. Little old me versus the world. BRING IT.

The FIVE Stooges???

So we all know there were more than three stooges. Larry, Moe, Curly, and Shemp (or, this is my understanding of the situation). But I think, perhaps, I was born at the wrong time. Or I am one of these gentlemen reincarnated. Seriously, I belong with them...although they were acting, and I am a natural stooge.

That's right folks, the superhero power of the klutziness continues. Yesterday was a fine example of my prowess: first, I hit my my elbow three times on the workout machine. You'd think after the first time I'd learn not to put my elbow there, or at least after the second time, but no...apparently the third time is the charm. Who hits their elbow on a workout machine? Only someone with great powers could manage to beat themselves up while working out. Next, I was talking to a patient in their room at the hospital, and I was leaning against a wardrobe while discussing our afternoon activity. I went to move my head as a means of emphasis for what I was saying, and slammed my head into the corner of the wardrobe. Well done, Ashworth. Way to maintain a profile of professionalism. As if that wasn't enough...five minutes later I was in the playroom discussing my wardrobe calamity with the girls in there, and at the same time I was rummaging in the supply closet for a glue gun. Somewhere along the way, I forgot what I was doing, or went blind, or something, because as I was telling the story about hitting my head on the wardrobe I leaned forward to grab something from a lower shelf and hit my head on the shelf right in front of my face. Now that takes some serious talent, folks...to be able not only to hit your head on something directly in your line of sight, but also to do it while telling the story of how you had done something quite similar just five minutes before. Ah, I am indeed a superhero extraordinaire.

I was laughing at myself the whole way home yesterday, and it got me to thinking. I've come up with another superhero power I might be interested in. I broke away from the traditional options given to us in comic books, and made up my own. For lack of a better term (and I'm open to suggestions for alternate names), I'm calling it bulls**t vision.

Bulls**t vision is similar to x-ray vision. With x-ray vision you can see through walls and people's clothes/skin, etc. With bulls**t vision you can see through people's crap they're feeding you. I picture it as such: while talking to someone, you could activate your bulls**t vision and a little meter would come up at the bottom of your visual field, registering how much that person really believed what they were telling you.

And here's where it would come in handy: dating. Say you're at a bar, and someone approaches you and starts hitting on you. They pay you complements, say nice things, and all around do the right things to make you feel special. Are they saying these things to get into your pants, or do they really mean them? Another instance: when someone breaks up with you...and they tell you how wonderful you are, it's not you it's me....etc. All of these things might be true, but they just might not know it...they might be trying to let you down easy. For anyone who's wondered if their ex was really that upset about the breakup, or if the guy/girl at the bar was really going to call, or really did think you were amazing...bulls**t vision is for you.

It also works in other places: when someone is trying to sell you something, or at work when your boss is making promises, or when trying to figure out who to vote for - who really believes what they're saying in their speeches?

Now, I haven't figured out yet how it works if you're on the phone with someone...not sure if it would work then. Maybe on video phones but not regular phones? Every superhero power has to have a weakness...so maybe that's the weakness of bulls**t vision - you have to be able to see the person for it to work.

Anyway, just wanted to offer up that idea for those of you still picking your superhero power. It's one I would seriously consider, if I hadn't been born with my superhero power of klutziness. And now it's time for breakfast - don't worry, I'll try hard not to burn myself while cooking. =)