I'm getting old(er)...and I LIKE IT!

I went shopping yesterday, in my eternal quest for jeans that are non-stretch, cut right, and less than my grocery bill for three months. I won't bore you (some of you, again...) with the minutia of the irritations I went through, but like many other random things in my life, it got me all philosophical and stuff.

I am, by no means, old. I am young and spry and happy about it. But there are signs to me that I'm growing up. I like Total Raisin Bran and Special K instead of Frosted Flakes for breakfast. Flossing has become important to me. I actually crave water and vegetables when I haven't had enough. And, as I look back, you couldn't pay me to be 20 again. Not that 20 wasn't fun...but I'm done with it. I look forward to my 30's with joy. No more relationship games, no more self-insecurity, just me...here I am, take me or leave me. I feel like I'm finally at an age where I can keep all the zeal and passion of my earlier years while leaving behind the instability that came with them as I tried to figure out who I was and what I wanted from life.

This does NOT mean, however, that I know what I want for the rest of my life. I hold true to my first post: that life is a search, there's always a way to improve, and it's boring if you find a place to stop permanently. But there is something to be said for finding a center, a home to which you can return when things get a little off-kilter. And I finally feel like that center is solidifying.

How does this relate to shopping? Well...I went to the Abercrombie store in our local mall yesterday in my afore-mentioned search for jeans. Abercrombie is one of those tricky stores that I still feel I can shop in...there are plenty of very nice, adult-like clothes that are appropriate but not frumpy. Just what I'm looking for. But they also happen to carry really trendy stuff as well, stuff I'm just not sure I can pull off anymore, and that stuff attracts a much younger crowd. As I worked my way through the store yesterday, the front was fairly empty. However, when I got to the middle of the store, I looked to the back half and it was TEEMING with adolescents. I had this moment where I realized that I was literally twice the age of some of those kids, and I had to leave the store immediately. I just couldn't handle trying to get to the clothes I could wear through the throngs of teenage girls fighting over the last "Aberbrombie & Fitch Cheerleading Squad" XXS tshirt. It was at this point that I decided this:

The mall should be like the pool in the summer. Remember when you were little, and you'd go to the local pool, and you'd splash around and have a good time, until the life guard blew his or her wistle and yelled "Adult Swim!" At this point you got out of the pool, and if you were lucky enough to have money on you you'd head to the snack bar and gorge yourself on candy, giving your body the sugar spike it would need for another hour spashing around in the hot sun. Does anyone else remember how happy and calm the adults looked while swimming during Adult Swim? I do. Now I understand why. And I think they should have an "Adult Shop" hour at the mall, where the kids have to hang out outside or in the food court. This way I can get to the clothes I need at Abercrombie without having to trample some poor sixth grader. We all benefit from this plan.

(This is, of course, assuming that I have the fashion sense and the money to buy adult-stylish-but-not-frumpy clothes. I don't. But in a perfect world.....)

Until this plan can be implemented, however, I suppose I'll have to continue and do the best I can with what I have. Online shopping will help a little, shopping while the kids are in school is always a great idea, and on the rare occasion that I brave the stores during a school holiday, I'll just have to embrace my new old(er)-lady self, take a deep breath as I wade through the shoppers half my age, and say to myself,"These kids today....."

Light Girl and her powerful Twisting Toes

I am a superhero. You are a superhero. We all have a superhero inside of us, and every day it changes. If you can't figure out on your own what your superhero identity is for the day, head to this site and find out. Here's my profile for today:

Name: Light Girl
Secret Identity: Kristy Ashworth
Special Power: Twisting Toes
Transportation: Shamu the Elephant
Weapon: Photon Flare
Costume: Carbonite Snow Suit
Sidekick: Black Dan
Nemesis: Eric the Crafty
Tragic Flaw: Addicted to sugar
Favorite Food: Chow Mein

I don't know what I'm more excited about: the fact that I get to ride an elephant, or that the website figured out that I am, indeed, addicted to sugar. Eerie.

You may be thinking, what's this all about, Kristy? Why are you telling us this? Well, other than keeping with the procrastination purpose of the blog by providing you with yet another website you can visit daily and find amusing, I have been thinking a great deal lately about this question:

If you could have a superhero power, what would it be?

Now, think about this before you answer. I've asked a few friends, and the most common answer is flying. I agree, flying would be cool. And well, invisibility would be useful...for finding out things you want to know, or for seeing things you don't get to see normally. I have given this some serious thought, and here is my run-down of the positives and negatives of superhero powers:

invisibility/reading minds: I suppose this would be a good thing, if you're incessantly curious about things you don't know. And, knowing me, this would be perfect for me. But here's the thing: I'm pretty happy finding out things the way I do. And I think if I knew some of what I don't find out of what other people think or do, it might make me sad. There's something to be said for the bliss of ignorance. So i choose neither of these. Although useful in very specific situations, for me they'd cause more harm than good.

flying: Well, yeah. This one's pretty cool. I don't necessarily have an argument against it, except that everyone chooses it, and I tend to shy away from the hip and trendy. But we'll keep it in reserve, as I don't have a real argument against it yet.

healing others: This is the one I used to choose. I think it would be a pretty good one to do, you'd feel great about yourself and, well, what a fantastic thing to do. Here's the issue that I recently developed with this one: how do you decide who deserves to get healing and who doesn't? I don't feel qualified to do this, it's part of the reason I really respect judges and I kind of fear being on a jury. I like to be right, all the time, and I don't know that I could feel that I was always right with this power. So I'm on the fence. I'd really like to heal others, but I'm not sure I could handle the responsibility.

control the weather: This one might be cool. You could just let the weather do it's thing, but then on important days, you could fix stuff. Nice weather for a Sox game, or your wedding, or if you wanted to get out of running outside one day you could make it rain, or produce snow for someone who's never seen it. You'd just have to keep in mind the whole effects on things like crops and local events and stuff, but that's doable.

shoot fire/water/ice out of your eyes/hands/etc.: I'm really not sure what I'd use this for. You only get one, usually, and well...I don't usually run into situations where I so desperately need fire/water/ice that it has to come out of my body. I guess if I were a backpacker these would all come in handy.

being able to sit up without falling over: My dad suggested this one. When I told him that's not a superhero power, he said it was for him. So, there you go. I don't choose this one, but some people might!

In the end, there's tons of powers. Feel free to use the comments features and let me know what you'd pick! I'd be very interested to know. (You can also feel free to pick ones that I haven't listed here.) I think I will stick with my current superhero power - klutziness. That may not sound like a superhero power to you, but it is to me. I'm exceptionally talented at being a klutz - more so than most others - and it brings a lot of laughter to those around me. And that's not such a bad superhero power after all - bringing smiles to other people's faces. And I'll just go tandem skydiving again when I want the sensation of flying.

In the meantime I'll be exploring what I can do with my Twisting Toes today.

Instructional Post

Just as a heads up for those of you who read this: if you're not reading the comments, you should. I get some pretty interesting comments. Emily comments on a lot of my posts, and if you're not reading her comments, you're missing out. Emily's funny, and she knows it. And so do I.

Yesterday I saw a helicopter land on the highway.

I did! On the NJ Turnpike. There was a wreck, and they stopped traffic about a quarter mile ahead of me, and cleared out a space for the Medivac Helicopter to land. It was interesting to watch. Also interesting was how everyone around me was out of their cars watching as well, and how removed we all seemed to be from the situation at hand: clearly someone was very badly hurt, but we were all interacting as if nothing had really happened, as if we were just having a party on the pike. It was as if we had all gathered to watch a movie. Bizarre.

Although the hour break in driving set my schedule back just a little, I still enjoyed my time in the car thoroughly. Most people think I'm crazy (and of course they are right, but not just for this one reason), but I love to drive long distances. There's something about it that clears my head and lets me relax. There's also a point I reach where I hit delerium, and everything is silly and I giggle incessantly for an hour or so. Here's what I thought of during my delerium yesterday:

I'm not sure why more people don't use "Love Machine" by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles as their wedding song. (OK, I'm giggling even now thinking about it.) Can you imagine? There's something just fun and silly about it...about starting your life together with a silly song that indicates that you'll have a sense of humor and adventure about what lies ahead for the two of you. There's a little piece of me that wants to do this, but I'm pretty sure when the time comes...well, one of three things will happen: (1) my friends and my mom will veto this idea, (2) my future husband will veto the idea, or (3, and most likely to happen first) the part of me that has wanted to be a princess on my wedding day will overwhelm the silly side of me and it won't even be brought up. Although, Emily did have James Brown's "I Feel Good" as her recessional, which I thought was very cool...and that could be an option to satisfy the silly while still getting my first dance to be all romantic and stuff, since slow dancing is one of my most favorite romantic activities. But I still like to think about a couple using "Love Machine" as their first dance, and how they would giggle, and how cute it would be. You'd definitely know that those two had a good sense of humor.

"Love Machine," by the way, if not used as a wedding song, makes for a FANTASTIC driving song. Very great to groove out to as you plow down the highway.

And now to address some business from the comments section:

Emily asked the question: if you've been blind your whole life and you take a hallucinagen, what do you hallucinate? Good question. I've been very nerdy and thought this over a great deal, and I'm going to offer you my opinion, but I'd love to hear other people's ideas. First, on the super-nerdy end of things, I suppose this all depends on what it is that causes your blindness. If you are blind because the segment of your brain that processes visual images doesn't work, well...then I think you could maybe hallucinate other senses, such as smells, sounds, etc. But her question brought up another question in my mind: what do blind people dream? Because I'd guess however it is that they dream (and having taken neurobiology, you'd think that I would remember whether or not blind people dream, but I don't, due to my horrible affliction with teflon brain) that's how they'd hallucinate. And that is what I think.

Also, on the topic of the pirate v. ninja issue, my mom has commented that she does not feel that pirates are drunk all the time, instead only when they've just buried their treasure. And Emily brings up the point that we ought to consider why the pirate and ninja are fighting, as well as where they are fighting. Level of passion and home turf advantage may play a role. In the end, and to put it to rest for a while, I think this is a question that can only be answered when we truly see a pirate and a ninja in a fight. So, if someone happens to see this occur, or knows of a movie where it happens, let me know. I'd love to know the results.

Alright, enough procrastinating. There are Things to be done, and then later tonight I get to help produce the 11 show of the local news (thanks Bill!). Before I go, however, do me this favor: open up your arms wide, take your right arm and wrap it across your body and around your left shoulder, grab and hold. Then take your left arm and wrap it across your body and around your right shoulder, grab and SQUEEZE. Consider yourself hugged by me. Holiday tidings, peace, and joy to all!

In the Blink of an Eye

Suddenly it's Monday. What happened?

You'd think now that I'm done with school I'd blog less because there's no homeword to avoid. Not true...in reality, there's always something to be avoided. Fear Not.

It was a marvelous weekend, y'all. My friends came to visit, and we spent the weekend doing what we do best: being us. Some of it was spent doing the Boston tourist thing (going to a show, visiting the North End for pizza and canolis, going out to a bar, Cheers, historical graveyards, ice skating, etc) and some of it was spent being silly (big breakfast, yahtzee, photo ops, etc), but all of it was spent being us. Moments that stick out in my head: me falling down from a complete stand-still (no lie - my feet somehow flew out from underneath me and suddenly my rear end and the ice were kissing), the collective gasp that uncontrollably emitted from Bonnie, Debb and me as we finally saw Barrage jump in a circle while playing the fiddle, and Bonnie making snow angels today. The most memorable, though, was the moment I had Saturday night as I lay on the air mattress and we all sat around just talking. As I lay there, I felt at home. Yes, we were at my house. But that wasn't what made it home. There's something about spending time with people who know you, who love you, that makes it home. It occurred to me that it Just Felt Right for us to all be that way - I forgot that it was unusual to have Noel (from Illinois), Debb (from Connecticut), Bonnie (from Florida), Erica (from Massachusetts), and me (from Boston for the moment) all in the same place. And at that moment, when I realized how special it was to have all of us together, and how normal it felt, I realized that I was Home. That we could all be in Siberia and it would still feel like Home. And that's some really good stuff. I'm a lucky girl.

As an update to an earlier post: at dinner tonight Daniel pointed out that pirates are probably usually too drunk to beat a ninja in a fight. I forgot about the drunk factor - that probably makes it very difficult for them to aim properly when catching the throwing stars in their wooden legs. In the end, I think it's best we all just campaign for pirate-ninja peace. I mean, really, can't we all just get along?

OK. As always, there's more, but Erica complained that the posts are getting too long for a good break, so I'm going to keep it short. She needs good study breaks, she's swamped with exams and moving right now. Good luck, Erica! I know you can do it. And I'm glad we'll be seeing each other again in a week and a half, even if it means that you're moving far away from me again. Have a safe journey.

And to the rest of you: find a small way to make a difference in someone else's life today. Coax out a smile from someone, clean someone else's dishes while you're doing your own, something easy and small, but something that makes someone else's life just a tiny bit better and easier. I watched Patch Adams yesterday, and it reminded me (as it always does) how easy it is to help others. So now I'm going to save you the hour and a half of movie-watching time and just remind you here. Good luck!

music: an eclectic I Tunes mix tonight..."Baby It's You" by Jo Jo, "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey, "Pictures of You" by The Cure, and "Love's Divine" by Seal.

Too tired to be clever

OK, I'm still in a really good mood, but I still haven't slept much so I'm completely incoherent. Here's something funny for you to watch and something fun to do with your phone number. That should keep you busy for a while.

(Incidentally, I'm pretty sure I've never had a phone number that didn't have a 1 or a 0 in it, so I've never been able to spell something fun with my phone number. What's nice about the above site is that it'll spell stuff before and after the number, if possible.)

Libraries can be fun!

Who knew?

Certainly not me. I've always had a bizarre relationship with libraries. On the one hand, there are certain libraries that really inspire me: their beauty and immense size overwhelm me and make me want to sit and read for a long time. Of course, usually that reading I want to do is recreational. The Boston Public Library at Copley is pretty, and I like that one a lot. My favorite thing to do in large, beautiful libraries is to stand in the middle and just take a moment to try and imagine how much knowledge is surrounding me. Pretty darn cool. However, as a student, I have NEVER been able to study in a library. I don't know if it's too quiet, or maybe just because it's too restricting - I feel like I can't take a "jump up on the table and do the crazy white girl booty dance to j-kwon" study break if I want to.

Until now.

Last night I met with a study group to work on our take-home final...my last thing due this semester. We discussed questions we were unsure of, debated a few issues, and then most people left. Not long after, I realized there really weren't that many people in the library at all...which seemed odd to me during exams. I've never been one for libraries, but I had always assumed others were. Evidently not so, at least not at Wheelock. I ran to check the nearby computer lab, and there were only three people, so I ran back to my computer, fired up the ITunes, and busted "Tipsy" out at top volume. I then proceeded to take the study break described above, and the only person who witnessed it was Brianna. I'm fairly sure it was a sight to see, as I have absolutely NO rhythm but I love to dance. Anyway, for me, I finally felt like libraries could be fun. And you all missed it. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

In other news, well...I actually don't have too much to say about my life right now, mostly because I'm horribly sleep deprived and will continue to be so until around Christmas. On the bright side, now that I'm done with school, there's just mega-amounts of FUN to be had: drinks with the girls from my class, a date, a few days of babysitting the twins, and MY FRIENDS ARE COMING TO VISIT THIS WEEKEND! I couldn't be more excited, I tell ya. So even the chore-type stuff is fun from here on in, because it all relates to getting ready for other fun things, and it doesn' t relate to school.

As an aside, if anyone has good recommendations for music...I listen to just about everything, and I have a few long car rides ahead of me. I like driving, actually, but the key is to have great music. So, I'll be driving 13 hours from Boston to my home in VA, and 13 hours from my home in VA to FL a week later, and then a week later driving the reverse, but the trips back will be much closer together. So, new music is always a plus, it makes even your old music sound better once you go back to it, and I'm open to suggestions.

As a bit of community service, I'd also like to offer up this website. Bookmark it on your computer. Then go to it anytime you need cheap gas, or you see cheap gas prices in your area. It works like a community bulletin board, so people post the address of stations that have cheap gas prices in their area, and then others can go to those stations and support them, keeping gas prices low. It's a great idea, so support it if you drive a car!

For your bit of randomness today, I'd like to talk about the monikers for different states' residents. For example, has anyone (not from Massachusetts) ever thought of how to refer to residents of Masschusetts? I'm originally from Virginia, so I'm a Virginian. When I lived in Florida, I met many Floridians. Those make sense to me. Massachusettsians? Eh...not so much. What about Maine? Maniacs? Michigan...Michiganians? If this is starting to bother you, Fear Not. I have found the answer. As it turns out, residents of Massachusetts have the distinct honor of being the only ones that do not use the state name in their moniker. They are Bay Staters. Maine residents are Mainers, and Michigan residents are Michiganders or Michiganites. There's tons of funny ones, like New Mexico residents are New Mexicans, which makes sense to me but just sounds silly. So follow the link and educate yourself, if you are so inclined.

But if I were from Maine, I'd start a state campaign to be called the Maniacs instead of Mainers. I just think it's more fun. And then their tourism campaign could be something like: "We're Maniacs about Maine! Come find out why!" Or "Maine is full of Maniacs! We're crazy about our state!"

Or something.

music: some sort of George Winston CD (the music the girls listen to during their nap) over the baby monitor

Istanbul, not Constantinople

For anyone who has read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe you have heard of something called Turkish Delight. In the book, Turkish Delight is made out to be some sort of amazing treat, for which Edward (the younger brother) is willing to sell his soul to the devil. I always wondered if such a thing existed, as I have an enormous sweet tooth and would love to try such a powerful treat. A few years ago I had a friend who found some and brought it to a holiday party. You can imagine my excitement when she offered to let me have a taste.

Now, no offense to Turkish folk everywhere, but I did not find the treat to be such a "delight." It was not horrible, but it's definitely not something for which I would betray my family. If I remember correctly, it was sort of gelatinous/gummy in nature, brightly colored, and each square had a sugary coating around the outside.

I just wanted to make you aware of this fact, that I did not find the Turkish Delight all that enjoyable, in case you are ever offered the chance to betray your family for a taste of some. Now at least you'll have more than one person's opinion on which to base your decision. Community service, y'all, that's what I'm all about. Helping your neighbors and such.

Now that the girls I babysit for have waited so patiently while I typed this, I am going to reward them by letting them have the very first guest post on my blog. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the musings of the twins:

mmmmudddoooooool,kmbbzzbzxxccsdcdffcddddccevvvvvvvppppppp-tttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(they're two.)

Pirates and Ninjas and fights, OH MY!

OK, I'm not done with my paper. Nor have I started on my take-home final But I need a break.

So, how have y'all been? Did you miss me? =) I've had a fantastic week...let's catch you up, and then on with the silliness. OK? Most of the week I was convinced that my laptop had actually molded to my skin and it would now be a permanent appendage. I've been working on this paper all week, and although it's not a difficult paper to write, I'm just entirely apathetic about school right now. It has nothing to do with the topic of the paper - I actually enjoy it - but this always happens to me at the end of the semester: the final paper, test, project, etc...whatever it is that is the large assignment at the end of the semester gets the shaft as far as my enthusiasm goes. I'm just ready for vacation. What else? I had an enchanting evening of food, drinks (both delicious and reasonably priced), strolling and fantastic conversation with a member of the opposite sex on Thursday. That's right, I had a date. A great date. And yes, I'm shamelessly using the blog to score points by publicly complimenting my companion. But I really did have a great time, I mean every word of what I've said...and well, that's all you're getting for now. The important thing for you to know is that I'm having a good time with all of it. Yesterday I hung out with friends on the North Shore and then went to a concert of a lovely band, and in the process found a bar that serves UFO pints for $2. You heard me right: TWO DOLLARS! In Boston. Unheard of. Today was brunch (delicious and reasonably priced again!) with Liz and shopping in Beacon Hill boutiques until it was time to get back to work and head to the library for research. All in all...not a bad week. =)

Are you wondering yet what the subject of the post is for? Well, prepare yourself for the silliness. My friend RLove and I spent approximately an hour and a half this week arguing this question: if a pirate and a ninja got in a fight, who would win? Now, before you laugh heartily at my crazy ideas, please understand this is a topic that has plagued me before. Emily and I have had lengthy discussions on the topic. Emily and I had a hard time deciding, because the pirate has skills like swashbuckling and he will also have a parrot on his shoulder who could be useful in disabling or disarming the ninja. However, the ninja does have great speed, agility, and probably throwing stars. I personally want the pirate to win, as does Emily. No offense to ninjas everywhere, I just like to root for the underdog. RLove claims, HANDS DOWN, that the ninja would win. This is because RLove's definition of a ninja is "the ultimate human." The argument gets circular from there, because the ninja is the ultimate human and therefore no other human, not even a pirate, not even a pirate with a well-trained parrot, could beat the ninja. My argument to this was that the ninja is still a human, however, not a superhuman, and so therefore must be flawed. Humans, by nature, are flawed. We all make mistakes. So if your definition of a ninja includes the word human, even if it is paired with the word ultimate, there is a weakness that can be exploited. Perhaps what makes ninjas "ultimate" humans is that they hide their flaws so well that no one else can figure out what they are. In any case, there was much argument over this, and RLove tried to appease me (because he, too, wants the pirate to win) by saying that pirates have booty, and spoils of looting, and so could therefore hire their own ninja to defend them against other ninjas and thus win the fight. I'm still not convinced. RLove says that, after all, pirates don't even have two legs: one is wooden, but Emily says that the wooden leg could be used as a weapon. And it's one less vulnerable point on the body. I'm still at a real loss as to who wins, so if you've got some thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

These are some of the things I think about folks. Seriously.

In any case, I think I've decompressed enough to get back to the schoolwork. As an aside...someone posted anonymously on the top-lipper/bottom-lipper thing..."top lippers unite!" Who are you? I'd love to know. I totally don't mind if you don't feel like signing up for blogger to post, feel free to use the anonymous post option and just add your name at the end of your comment. In the meantime, keep it real, and try to avoid apathy at all costs...once it grabs you, it's hard to shake. I speak from experience.

music: selections from "Forward" (album) by Ryanhood, and "Love's Divine" by Seal.

Penance

Oh, Kelley. My ETERNAL apologies. I misspelled your name on the previous blog. I've corrected it now, and you were so kind not to mention it to me. But I wanted to publicly apologize. I'm so incredibly sorry.

This just goes to prove again, folks, that I have the best friends on the planet. Kelley was so kind to ignore the fact that I misspelled her name and still sent me a nice email. She rules.

No more blogging until I finish my paper. But don't think that I don't miss you! I do. I just need to not fail. And as soon as I'm done taking care of that, I'll return to you with lengthy posts on crazy topics. As a preview: one will have to do with ninjas and pirates. Another will have to do with trivia about different states' residents. And others...well...you'll just have to check back in to see, now won't you?

Keep warm!

I have THE BEST friends on the planet.

It's a fact. Don't try to argue with me...I'm sure your friends are pretty cool, nice people, but nobody...I repeat, NOBODY has better friends than mine. End of discussion.

Seriously, I often find myself thinking how lucky I am to be surrounded by such amazing, intelligent, fun, understanding, caring individuals. Today the inspiration for my thanks comes from my friends Michelle and Kelley, who each gave me a holiday music CD last year. "Xmas Michelle Style" and "Cool Yule" have turned this rainy, cold, somewhat blah New England day into an all-out jam fest and a bright, wonderful smile has remained on my face despite the work I have to do and the weather that tries to bring me down. Don't go looking for these CDs in stores, folks, they're one-of-a-kind originals, made for me by friends. By cool friends. Friends that come from a crop of the best friends on the planet. =)

So, today, a shout out goes out to all my fantabulous friends, who are amazing and probably don't hear that nearly enough from me. BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL!

music: well, CLEARLY..."Xmas Michelle Style" and "Cool Yule"...DUH.

Lost Item: Reward Offered

I've lost something (other than my mind) recently, and I was wondering if you guys had seen it, or had an idea of where I put it, because it's something pretty big...and I'm kind of shocked at how it got away from me. What I'm looking for is the month of November. I remember October, and now it's suddenly December. What?!?!? Hmmm...seriously, I've definitely misplaced November, and if you could help me find it, I could really use that time. The reward? Well, um...I'm a woman of meager means, but I promise to flash you my nicest, biggest, most thankful, girl-next-door smile! I can also offer pretty good hugs. Or a stream of really bad knock-knock jokes you know already. That's about it. Anyway, any help would be appreciated.

I had a pretty good weekend. The emotionality of last week sort of faded away Saturday morning and things are looking up again. I went to a lovely holiday party Saturday night and had fantastic conversation full of laughter and was shocked to find that it was 1am when I finally found a clock. Good times, indeed. I also got to share a nice afternoon Sunday with Aaron and Megan. Aaron and Megan are always a good time...my favorite thing about our afternoon was that we didn't really need any sort of "activity" to do...we could just sit around and chat. The sign of good, quality folks. Plus the weather was nice, so it was good to get out of the apartment and take a break from watching movies about grief and death.

What's that? Why am I watching movies about grief and death? I'm so glad you asked. I'm taking a bereavement course this fall (I may have mentioned this in a previous post) and my final project is investigating how popular culture represents death and grief in film. The subtext of this project is the idea that you can use film therapeutically to help children talk about their own grief...while they may have a hard time articulating their thoughts about their own feelings, they can easily talk about a movie character, and then transition. In any case, I wanted to pick three films that represented different kinds or different sides of grief. Thus far, I have chosen "Moonlight Mile" to represent how families and groups of people relate during death; and I have chosen "My Life" to tell the story of dealing with your own death. Both of these stories focus on adults dealing with death, and so for my third story I wanted to select something with children dealing with death...but there's not a lot out there. M. Night Shyamalan, whose movies I have thoroughly enjoyed thus far, made a movie in 1998 about a boy who goes searching for God after his grandfather dies to make sure his grandfather is OK. However, it was evidently fairly unsuccessful and so is pretty hard to find here in Boston. I think, instead, I'm going to pick "Courage Under Fire," and abandon the idea of children in film alltogether, opting for post-traumatic stress disorder instead. PTSD is still relevant, good for using with teens who have been in a severe car accident and lost a loved one in the experience.

Here is my issue, and why I brought all of this up: Why aren't there many movies showing an honest portrayal of grief? I don't mind if you tie it up with a nice ribbon in the end and give a sense of moving forward...I tend to be a "every cloud has a silver lining" kind of girl anyway, and I also think that there comes a point in everyone's grief process where you finally wake up, and that day is better than the last, simply because it's not yesterday. And you have a few of those in a row, and suddenly you've had a week of them, and while it might not be all roses and rainbows, you can get to a point where you look back at the grieving process and realize that you may not ever be done mourning, but you're in a much better place than you used to be...and to me that's the nice ribbon wrapped around the process. So it's alright that Hollywood puts a happy face on at the end...but there really aren't a lot of movies that show true grief: where it's not easy, and there are moments of laughter mixed in with the sadness at really socially-deemed inappropriate moments, and the guilt that follows those instances, and things like that. How it's really confusing and difficult, and just when you think you're done, something strangely small brings back all the pain as if it were new and fresh all over again. Sure, some people grieve in the stages we're all familiar with: the classic Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance movement, but many of us don't do those stages in that order, or even do all of them at all. The best movie I've seen recently representing adult grief was "In the Bedroom." It's not something I would use with children, and there comes a moment in the movie where I feel the people in the movie start to act on thier grief in inappropriate ways, but what really overwhelmed me about the movie was that there was almost no background music. The silence in the fights and between the dialogue was eerie, and it made me really uncomfortable...which was what I thought was so brilliant about the movie. The thing is: grief is uncomfortable. It's not easy, and people who are grieving and even those around them are uncomfortable. And this movie really got that point across. In any case, for all you young filmmakers out there, you can use this idea. Represent grief more realisitically. You can wrap it up nicely in the end if you want, but be original. End rant.

In other news, it snowed here in New England today. Not much, just enough to dust everything and make it all pretty. It didn't even stick to the roads...just perfect! I ran around for about 5 minutes catching big snowflakes on my tongue this evening before class. Of course, it prompted me to finally admit it is the holiday season and tonight I am busting out the collection of holiday CDs. I also hear that BNL has a new holiday album, complete with three Hanukkah songs and other such lovely things. If anyone has heard the album, let me know your thoughts. I love BNL...so I'm pretty sure I'll love the album.

And that, my friends, is all she wrote.

music: "Remember Who I Am" (album) by Girlyman...the band that opened for the Indigo Girls the last time I saw them...their sound is incredible...awesome harmony and great acoustic music. I highly recommend them.

Commence the random acts of public silliness!

OK. Here's the deal:

I've been looking at my blogs. I have decided that I have been far to introspective and gloomy for my own good. Things have been way super-stressed lately, and they are ever-so-slightly easing up now, and I'm thinking I'm gloomy because a) I've been stressed, and b) I've clearly been neglecting my friends.

So, to that end, I'm going to lay off the blog this weekend. I think. I'm going to do work, and when I'm trying really hard not to work (read: all the time) I'm going to email my friends; which is something I'm already horrible about keeping up with and I think the blog might be affecting that slightly. I'm going to actively pursue being a good friend.

In the meantime, I won't leave you hanging with nothing to do. My friend Adam has got a really funny blog you can check out, and I'll also leave you with an experiment.

That's right, an experiment. It sounds, well, iffy...but if you're into making a bunch of adults act like total 5 year olds in public without much effort, this kind of research is for you. I've been conducting this experiment informally for the past two or so years, and I'd love for you to continue my research, take it further out into the world, and report back to me. Here goes:

What you do is you stick your tongue out and blow a raspberry. You know, the sound that is often spelled Thbbbbbt! Now, do it in front of a mirror. Does your top lip move or your bottom lip? Everyone does this with one lip or another. I am a top lipper. What are you? Now that you've figured out your lip-ness, here are two further activities: 1) try to do it with the other lip. It's difficult! and 2) Make other people do this, preferably in large groups. It's just unique enough and silly enough that nobody's ever heard of it and everybody is curious to try it out. It's fantastic - groups of usually well-behaved adults blowing raspberries in a multitude of public places because curiosity has gotten the better of them.

OK, do research. Report back (there is a comments feature, you know). Read Adam's blog, and all the others I have previously linked. You'll survive just fine for a few days without me. See you on the flip side!

Life imitating Easy Listening Music?

It's been an emotional few days, folks.

Quote of the moment, aptly describing my feelings all day today, and probably all day for the next...well, who knows?...comes from none other than the easy-listening fav, Don Henley. That's right, I said Don Henley. Song title: "The Heart of the Matter."

What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter

You know once you are told you can't do something, it's the first thing you want to do? Just like when you're told not to think about something, it's all you can think about? That's where I'm at. And I'm weak, folks. I've made an agreement I'm trying really hard to keep, but it's really difficult. I'm actually kind of cheating right now, in this blog right here, but you know what? I don't care. I think it would eat me up inside if I didn't cheat a little. This agreement is a tough one.

Anyway...on to bigger, better, and less cryptic things. I FINISHED MY INTERNSHIP TODAY!!!!!!! Yee-ha!!! No more driving 45 minutes to an hour and a half (depending on weather and traffic) to find out yet again that what I had planned to do that day is cancelled! Now, don't get me wrong...I loved this internship and I learned SO much there...but the drive is a bit much to find out your schedule has changed yet again. I'm going to enjoy my full-time status here in Boston again.

Also....I've been thinking. I *love* Sex and the City. It's like an addiction. I could watch episodes over and over again. I own Seasons 1 through 5 on DVD. Is this because I'm single? Do married women like this show? I can really, really relate to this show...I find a little piece of me in each of the main characters, which is why I like it so much...but would I be able to relate if I weren't single? If "Sex and the City" was not an option for me? Or would it be something to remind me of my single days, a reminiscing show of sorts? Since I have no experience but my own, I have no answers to this question. Just a random musing I thought I'd share.

And, on that note...I think I'm done for the night. I'm slightly distracted as I write tonight: somewhat by my emotional ride the past few days, and somewhat by Sex and the City on TBS. But I'm sendin' out the love, folks. Open your hearts up and catch it while you can....